Written by Mr. John Rasiej
You just got an invitation for a special event – a black-tie fundraiser, an exclusive cocktail party – or perhaps a very particular business function where you need to look your absolute best. You go out of your way to shop for that super-fashionable suit, pick up a custom-made designer tie and pocket square, and maybe even those shoes with the name everyone admires. You invest thousands of euros or dollars because you sense how much style might matter to the people you may meet at this special event.
Many men will make a special effort to look their absolute best for such an occasion, thinking that this is when great style matters. Exuding style matters every day. The people you meet from day-to-day may be in a position to influence your success, whether professional or personal. Keeping focused on your style regularly can actually make more of a difference in the long-term than going out of your way only for the rare special event. Your entire fashion budget shouldn’t go just for those particular occasions.
"Whether married or dating, attention is often focused too heavily on special occasions."
It’s similar when it comes to behavior. Many men will become more aware of their behavior at certain special times, thinking it is appropriate for an occasion, but then slack off a bit on routine days. That can extend from how you dress at the office, your posture walking into a meeting or the language you use. Perhaps a mistake in one of those areas will have already cost you the esteem of someone who may be in a position to help you, and a great appearance at the special function won’t be enough to overcome a pre-conceived notion.
Many men make a similar error when it comes to their behavior in a personal relationship. Whether married or dating, attention is often focused too heavily on special occasions. For example, a man may plan something particularly elaborate for Valentine’s Day. He’ll make reservations at the most chic restaurant, and he’ll get dressed to the hilt. He’ll be at his chivalrous best, opening doors for her, helping her with her coat, pulling her chair out at the table and even remembering to stand when she gets up at the table.
And the next day (or the next date) his polished behavior goes back into a cocoon. It’s as if he’s done his romantic duty for a while and expects it will carry her good graces toward him until the next big occasion. Perhaps he will dole out such largesse again for her birthday, an anniversary, New Year’s Day. All the days in between don’t have him opening her door or pulling out her chair. Flowers don’t arrive without any obvious reason. Those days feel more and more mundane.
"An attentive man can strengthen the foundation of his relationship with ease."
A woman’s appreciation of her man will develop from an accumulation of how he treats her during routine times. Of course special events like Valentine’s Day will matter to her as well. However, if those seem to be an aberration of how she’s usually treated, she may start to believe the fancy treatment is only being done for show. A few days afterward, if the caring behavior has gone back in the box she may even become resentful over the contrast.
A stylish gentleman will realize that every day matters. It doesn’t mean that every day needs to involve a reservation at a special restaurant or endless flowers. An attentive man can strengthen the foundation of his relationship with ease. Extending chivalry in day-to-day tasks can underscore for her that he cares for her. She’ll believe it more when it becomes engrained in the couple’s treatment of each other and it will make it easier for her to reciprocate with caring for him in sincerity.
Choose gestures of chivalry and let them become part of your daily style. Chivalry costs so little and can be worth so much.
John Rasiej is a Chivalry and Relationship Expert who founded Bring Chivalry Back
